Finding Mister Right

July 6 2025

Hello everyone,

Summer has arrived. I have to remember the sunscreen, sunshades, and to water the flowers.   Summer garden flowers are usually splashy, like peonies and roses.   Wildflowers are in abundance as well – chicory, clover, daisies, and buttercups.   There is a flower in almost every colour, and the Lord has made them all amazingly beautiful.   That brings me to a topic on many hearts.   When you have so many choices in flowers or in men, how do you pick the one that’s right for you?  

I recently spoke as part of a panel for the ‘Ditch the List’ book launch.   Sharing the story of meeting my husband when I was 49 gave many of the single women hope.   Before I met Bruce, there were many, many dates in my attempt to find the right one.   I didn’t trust the Lord much during those years and I made a lot of mistakes which I have described in my book ‘Choices’, so I won’t do that here.   After reading Dr. David Yonggi Cho’s book, ‘The Fourth Dimension’, which is about being specific in your prayer requests, I actually made a list of characteristics I wanted in a husband and finally gave it to the Lord in prayer.   I met Bruce not too long after that.   

A week after the ‘Ditch the List’ event, one of the women told me she had joined a Christian dating site.   She wanted to know what to look for in the men's posts on the site.   At the time, I told her to look for honesty. Many people put in their profiles who they want to be, or who they think the other person is looking for, and not who they really are.   But you’re not going to know if they’re honest until you have had a few chats or met at least once.   After thinking more about her question, I prayed about it.  Below are two really important things I think you need to establish a healthy long-term relationship, and you should be able to determine them from an on-line profile.

The first one is faith.   You need to be at the same place in your Christian walk.  Did the person put Christian in their profile because they have a relationship with the Lord, or because they grew up in a Christian home?    The best way I have found to explain the differences in levels of faith is to use a sports analogy.   Pick your favorite sport.   If you are a superfan, you will go to as many games as possible. You will know the players, the rules and which team is headed to the playoffs.   You will talk about the game to anyone who is interested, and you will watch the matches on TV frequently.    If you're not really interested in that sport, you will go to a game if someone invites you, and you might watch the final match.   You won’t know all of the rules, or the players, and you won't care.  

If you are a ‘superfan’ Christian, you will be going to church regularly, reading your Bible (to find out what the rules are), and you will talk about God with your friends.   If Christian is just the way you were raised, then you won’t go to church except for weddings and funerals.   Find out quickly where the person you are considering dating is in their faith – before you get emotionally attached!    I learned that the hard way, and stayed in a relationship much longer than I should have.   I kept hoping he would come to church with me, but he never did.    And we both ended up getting hurt.

The second thing you need to have in common is values.    If you have similar values, then even if you are from different cultures, or education levels, the relationship will likely last.    Values are not your beliefs, but rather WHY you do things.    When others do not share your values, you will be upset.    For example, one of my strong values is responsibility.   If I see someone throw trash on the ground when there is a garbage can nearby, it bugs me.   To me, they are not being responsible.   If someone doesn’t have that value, seeing garbage on the ground won’t bother them.    If a behaviour in someone else bothers you, the opposite of it is likely a strong value to you.    Find out what behaviours bother you.   Think about why and determine your main values.   Look for someone who has the same values.

Once you think you have determined if you have faith and values in common, then read Ditch the List, or pull out your list, and pray about it.   If the guy doesn’t care about what’s important to you, then let the relationship go.   The right one is worth waiting for.

While you are waiting for Mr. Right, remember to live.   Travel, or go to school.   Start a business.   Do what the Lord has placed on your heart and enjoy the life you have.    You can be happy and fulfilled as a single person.

Praying for you,

… Gayle